drawing of wolf standing on two legs and peeing into a bucket held by a kid with a ballcap on
Art by Tim Bower.

What is the ultimate Alaskan superfood?

Forget what you’ve heard about blueberries or salmon or seaweed. If you want a real taste of the best Alaska has to offer, try wolf urine and brown bear bile. Great for the prostate, gut, and general wellness; my kids refuse to eat or drink anything else. It’s been a fun and rewarding family activity training wolves to pee in pots and agitating brown bears until they charge and cover us in drool and bile. Other Alaskan superfoods include bald eagle eggs, killer whale adrenaline glands, and wolverine paws.

What is the best tasting species of mustelid?

My ex-best friend and I had a falling out over this debate. We agreed it’s hard to beat wolverine paws but, when asked what species we’d choose if we had to eat mustelid every day, he picked short-tailed weasel while I chose long-tailed. A rift immediately formed between us; things haven’t been the same since. I’ve tried to make peace by dropping an otter casserole by his house, but he threw it in the trash when he found out I’d used land otter instead of sea otter. I’m planning to make a marten, mink, least weasel, and fisher pot pie to smooth things over, but if that doesn’t work, I’m out of Alaskan mustelids and Amazon doesn’t carry skunk.

Does the Alaskan Diet Plan work?

The Alaskan Diet Plan (ADP) may be the latest Hollywood rave, but it’s probably the most effective diet plan on the market. How does it work? ADP will drop you off in the Alaskan wilderness with nothing more than the clothes you’re wearing. Then, you must find your way back to civilization. You’ll shed plenty of weight in the process and experience Alaska the way everyone should. Many clients, due to parasites contracted from scavenging wolf and bear kills, have reported great success in keeping the weight off for years afterward.

What is the best restaurant in Alaska?

One-Eye-Charlie’s. It’s located in a floating shack drifting on the ocean currents in the Gulf of Alaska. Some say the owner, One-Eye-Charlie, knows the secret to enlightenment. This has inspired a mass pilgrimage of gastronomic tourists and spiritual seekers to go looking for his restaurant. I, having patronized the establishment, can attest that the food is on par with five-star restaurants in Italy and New York City. The dining experience was a real novelty, though. One-Eye-Charlie is a bit “bushy” and practiced a sort of hospitality that had me worried for my life several times.


Bjorn Dihle is Alaska magazine's gear editor and a lifelong resident of southeast Alaska. You can follow him at instagram.com/bjorndihle or facebook.com/BjornDihleauthor.

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